


[Untitled]

by Boycott_Love



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Funny, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, something about earlobes and a stun gun, to me at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 09:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3891364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boycott_Love/pseuds/Boycott_Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want to know if he has recessive earlobe genes now."</p>
<p>I blinked a few times, letting that sink in. "...You can't be serious."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"...Patrick can't get pregnant!"</p>
<p>Pete sighed, crossing his arms. "Doesn't mean we can't try."</p>
            </blockquote>





	[Untitled]

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT my fic, I found this on deviant art by FantabulousFanfics (I think that's the name) written back in '09. I love this thing and it made me laugh. So I hope you like this as much as I did. Again, it's NOT mine

I was sitting on the floor in front of the fridge with the door propped open against my knee. I was staring at the shelves, willing something new to magically appear. So far, it wasn't going to great. I sighed, and decided to go see what Pete was doing. I got up off the floor and found Pete standing in the hallway, with an odd look of fear and enjoyment on his face. He had his Sidekick pressed to his ear, but turned it to speaker mode when he saw me.

"Hey, Andy just walked over, want to tell him what you just told me?" Pete said into the phone, and I heard what sounded like two teenaged girls giggle. 

"LOLK." And they went off into a giant rant about how when Pete and Patrick had a gay child together that Pete had to call and tell them if it had free or attached earlobes because Pete's are attached, so he can only give attached genes, and Patrick's are free and the dominant earlobe gene. So if the baby has attached earlobes that means that Patrick had recessive earlobe genes and they wanted to know if Patrick had recessive earlobe genes or not. 

"Yeah...biology can give you some crazy ideas...." I laughed, deciding this would be a nice topic to have a conversation with Patrick about. Pete seemed to think the same thing, as he promised them he'd get right on it and go find the stun gun. I stared at him like he was crazy but the girls seemed to get it, warning him to keep it hidden from Joe - for Andy's sake. 

"What?" And then they went off on another giant rant about a Peterick fic they read where Patrick was pregnant and Joe stole Pete's stun gun and...well I'll leave out the details...and I ended up getting pregnant too. 

Pete patted me on the head as he flipped the phone closed and walked by me, out into the kitchen. "Do I even want to know why you're reading that story?" 

"Dude, Patrick's pregnant. What's not to love?" I stared at him and shook my head. The fame really was making him crazy. "So anyway, speaking of Patrick, where is he?" He asked, looking around as if Patrick would magically appear in front of him. He pouted when he didn't. 

"Him and Joe went to go do something, I was half-asleep when Joe said where they were going." 

"Oh poo." 

"Why?" 

"I want to know if he has recessive earlobe genes now." 

I blinked a few times, letting that sink in. "...You can't be serious." 

"What?" 

"...Patrick can't get pregnant!" 

Pete sighed, crossing his arms. "Doesn't mean we can't try." 

"DUDE. TOO MUCH INFORMATION." 

Pete smiled, and nodded. "I know." But, as if they knew I needed saving from Pete's fame-crazy mind, Joe and Patrick returned. Saved by the Jew. LOLOL BAD JOKE. Okay, anyway, back to the story. Pete's face lit up, and he shot me a glance, while bounding over to Patrick, wrapping his arms around the younger man's waist. "GUESS WHAT?" 

"What?" Patrick said, not really paying attention because Pete normally did this. I tried to warn him with my eyes, but I don't think he was really paying attention to anyone at the moment, because he didn't notice. 

"We're gonna find out if you have recessive earlobe genes." Pete grinned, biting the body part of which gene's were in question. Patrick paid attention then.

"W--w--we're gonna what?" He stuttered, face turning slightly red, as Joe inched away and over to me.

"You remember that one fic...with the stun gun and the ice cream?"

"...Yeah...?" 

"Well, let's go." Pete stated, pulling Patrick by the hand down the hallway and into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. I turned to Joe, who was staring at the door. 

"...Stun guns increase your chances of getting pregnant, you know." 

"You read it too!?"

"Dude. Patrick's pregnant."

"Oh Good Lord." I mumbled, putting my head down on the table. I was in a band wtih a bunch of crazy, male-pregnancy loving freaks. 

Joe sensed my pain, laying his head down on my shoulder. "Aw, there there. It's OK." He said, trying to act consoling, but the giggles kind of ruined that for him. I sat back up.

"I'm hungry." 

Joe stared. "That was random." 

"Well, Pete has shitty food."

"Well, let's go get something, then."

"Kay. You're buying." 

"What!?" 

But I was already up and out the door, and he apparently didn't mind paying too much because he came bounding out right after me. 

We drove around for a little while, trying to find someplace to go and decided on Olive Garden becasue we'd never been there, and felt like being adventerous today. And we knew I could at least get a salad there. We pretty much just sat and talked about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything between bites. By nothing I mean stuff that doesn't matter, and by everything I mean a whole shit load of the stuff that doesn't matter. But it wasn't awkward stuff that doesn't matter, like the weather or anything. More like random crap that we hadn't told eachother yet.

"You know. This is nice. Like, I mean, we never get to just sit and talk about stuff anymore. I kinda missed it." 

"Yeah, me too." I said, propping my head up in the palm of my hand. We were finished eating and just felt like ebing lazy so we hadn't left yet. We were probably going to get kicked out for taking up a table, but oh well. Didn't much like the service here anyway. It got kind of quiet after that. I don't know what Joe was thinking, but I was thinking that I really had missed it. I hadn't really noticed I'd missed it, but now that we'd sat down and just talked for a few hours...well, I wish we could have done that more often. 

Joe sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Well, we should probably head home, don't ya think?" 

"Yeah, let's go see how the baby-making is coming along." 

\---- 

We arrived home and were kicking our shoes off in the kitchen when we both froze. 

"D-did you hear that?"  Joe asked, his head turning towards me.

"...I was hoping I'd imagined it." I said, checking the clock. We'd been gone for two hours. TWO HOURS. 

"WHAT HAVE THEY BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME!?" Joe said, his eyes widening. 

"Somehow...I don't think they were doing anything different." Joe stared at me, and slowly turned his head back to look at Pete's closed door.

"But...but...TWO HOURS!?" I nodded. And then we heard it again, the banging of a headboard against a wall and the very distinct moan that is Patrick. "OH. MY. GOD. TWO HOURS!!!!" Joe was pretty much screaming by now, in what I think was terror. "HOW DO THEY DO IT?"

I shrugged, as he grabbed my hand and pulled me back out the door. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know, but I am NOT staying there."

"Why not?" 

"Well, truthfully?" 

"No, lie to me. Yes, the truth, stupid." 

"Well...um...I...it..." He sighed, looking down at his feet, brown hair flopping over his face. "It...um...kind of maybe...turns me on?" 

I stared at him. "Seriously? Hearing Pete and Patrick go at it turns you on?"

He nodded, not looking back up at me. Which was when I came up with my fabulous idea. I smirked, grabbing onto Joe's hand, and pulled him back into the house. He tried fighting back, but I'm way too hXc for him. Vegans>Jews. Uh, yeah, anyway. 

"Andyyyyy, what are you doing?" 

"Science expirament." I said, pulling Joe over to stand right in front of Pete's door. His eyes went wide and I checked my watch, and held his ear up against the door. It took exactly 2 minutes and 47 seconds of him trying not to listen and Patrick moaning four times for him to get a noticable boner. I released his head and he smacked me. 

"WHAT THE FUCK MAN?"

"I wanted to see how long it would take." I admitted, chuckling to myself. He scowled.

"Well. Fine then." And he turned and marched towards his room.

"Awww, come on. It was for the good of SCIENCE!" 

"You wanna know what else would be for the good of science?" He said, stopping abruptly, and looking at me slightly over his shoulder. 

"Uh...I dunno. But I have a feeling you're going to tell me anyways..." He smirked, opening his bedroom door. 

"Seeing how long it takes for you to get rid of it." 

I almost thought he was kidding, but the look on his face told me he wasn't. I thought about it for a second, shrugged my shoulders and followed him into his room. After all, if I'd known he was into guys I probably would have conducted this expirament a while ago. He doesn't need to know that, though.


End file.
